I have done some yoga today, and I feel so much better than I have all week. And let me tell you that I have felt like complete utter shit all week. But Now I’ve started to clear my system of the soda… again… so I’m quite a bit disappointed in myself again (in the sense that I fell into the same cycle all over again.
And now I have to clean up the mess that I’ve made of myself again.
I mean seriously. If I drink enough soda, I just get so lazy and lethargic. I don’t clean my room. I sit in the dark permanently. And I just leave trash and clothes all over my bedroom floor.
My room needs desperate cleaning from the three weeks I spent drinking soda and ignoring my responsibilities. So now that I know that I have a plan.
So as always, wish me luck!
I’m debating doing yoga at 8:30 at night. what the hell is wrong with me??? I could just wait until I get up but obviously that hasn’t happened yet?? I don’t know what I want to do. But obviously I gotta fold this pile of clothes in front of me, and the other pile waiting in the basket by my closet…
I didn’t go to sleep until very late last night [i.e. 3:30 am], and I started writing on wattpad again. Although it is more like a journal style book. Except I am writing it to kind of give me a place to write, since I haven’t been writing. Just to write all the things that pop into my head, from my self-loathing to dreams I have (from the strange to the awesome). So this is going to be an interesting project, I think.
I have no idea why I try to wake up early. It was storming earlier this morning and I woke up to see outside my door this beautiful storm raging on through the leaves of my tree, and I also heard some thunder as well. But then I was like, “ooh prettyyy” and fell back asleep despite my 7 alarms that went off. I’ve become immune to them. How do I even fix that shit??? All I know is that the storm clouds have long since dissipated and I’ve wasted half my day.
At least my room is clean now. And I had a cup of coffee.
I wanted to do some yoga but I had no time because of when I woke up. It doesn’t help that I can’t fall asleep at night until 1 or 2 am, so getting up early is hard for me, and I go to work all day almost every day.
I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job.
I’m totally gonna finish off my year there and then when I take my vacation, I am gonna spend it looking for a new fucking job because I am so utterly done with the bullshit managers. I mean yeah, I’m probably gonna run into that everywhere else, but I would be more willing to put up with it for a better pay. I know I can get a better pay at the grocery store down the road from where I work, and I’m pretty sure even Starbucks pays more.
And they have better benefits.
I’m just gonna bide the time until then, however. Try and keep myself from loosing my fucking mind.